I should be asleep at this time. With lotsa question in mind is preventing me to do so. August have passed with lotsa unexpected events and trials which is really tiring mentally and emotionally, I am worried that I might fall into depression.

Just that I thought that my pre-teen and teenage years are tough. I was wrong, it gets tougher and tougher every stage of life. My college days have its own struggles and now my career. So far God is like teaching me that you can plan all you want in life, but don’t hold too tightly on it. Like my family and previous relationship. And most probably now my business. He is teaching me to invest in Him rather than things that can vanish anytime.

you can plan all you want in life, but don’t hold too tightly on it

Last Sunday sermon, an email and camp’s sermon are so timely. It realign my mental and emotional state back in order. Although I still feels like don’t know what to do next for my business. I can sense a certain peace during my drive back home from Desa Park City and meeting a client over dinner. A peaceful and quiet one.

Thank God for timely words and people that He has prepared to support and encourage me during times like these. He never fails to send help in my time of need.

I should go to bed now. Gotta go into office tomorrow morning and work on my future.

Verse of the month:

Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint;
   but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction. Proverbs 29:18

I’ve been searching for a fireplace where I used to have. A warmth and comfortable feeling where I can just savor. I thought I have found it, but I was merely an illusion which fooled me into believing into it or rather I thought that this fireplace welcomes me.

Although I want to believe it, but when the fire place is not open to you, you can never find comfort there. It is just a temporary feeling which fuel you to dream the dream you used to dream. You are able to relive a certain part of dream that you long for but can never taste the warm because the fireplace is not open to you.

when the fire place is not open to you, you can never find comfort there

I have to walk out of this fire place which I like and let it finds its own rightful owner or even let the fire place replenished with more fire wood and be warm again. At least I won’t feel that cold for the whole journey I traveled.

My journey continues as this familiar feeling I used to find hard to accept take place, and soldier on to face tomorrow by myself hopefully the right fireplace I will be, well at least that’s what I can do.

Memories are stored in our mind, whether is the good or bad. These are the things that either keep us going or it will be an obstacle for us to move on. This drive I had it is not intentional but I think it happens for a particular reasons. Perhaps this is the part of me that I least open up can get it confronted. God allow this incident for a reason?

These are the memories that build me once to move ahead, then it become a hindrance, an obstacle to stop me from progressing. Yes, although I’ve grown in different areas, I’ve mature as times goes by but it is a maturity in another area in my life. I have come to realize that these are the memories that is kept away and it is not being replaced yet. And they suddenly resurfaced or probably I started to think too much too.

The problem is not that I hold on to these memories dearly, it is I think I’m crippled in TRUST again that I’m afraid to grant my heart to someone once again. I already have a particular person that have attracted me to but yet it is another test all over again. I feared, I really fear.. I want those memories to be overwritten by the new ones. I want to be able to move on and grow out of this area of my life.

Being a man, a phrase that being used so often that sometimes we don’t really know the true meaning of being a man.

Being a man is MORE THAN completing your responsibilities or task as you grow in life.

To have a clear picture of what is a real man we can turn to this scripture

“Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men” Luke 2:52

If you study closely this scripture it tells you that Jesus grew to be what is described as “Being a man”. As He grows His WISDOM (Knowledge), STATURE (Character), FAVOR WITH GOD (Spiritual Life) and FAVOR WITH MEN (Social Life). These are the four main aspects in our daily life we need to monitor and keep track.

The true meaning of being a man is mastering these four aspect in our lives, but most of the time we are able to master 3 out of the 4 and often keep Spiritual Life out of the picture.